Hopeless
by Deathtotheking
Summary: A quiet Harry looks at the facts. The light and the dark side have killed mercilessly. People have lied, died and twisted words to edit his reality, to form him into something. Friends? No. Harry is done, but whats a dungeon bat doing with Harry? Can someone save him? Salvaged story, HPSS, Dumble's bashing, Grey side, mild depression, lots of love. SLASH!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone! If any of you remember CryingUke~ the original title of this account, I had several popular (damn the loss of those reviews...) stories, including one of the more recent ones called Hopeless. **

**Well, tada! Someone did have chapters saved, and so the story can begin again!**

**But also,**

_**This story is in dedication to **_

_**Ninjapirate101**_

_**Without you this story would no longer be existing. A world of thanks.**_

* * *

Harry was in potions class, and as usual he was failing on purpose. He remembered the day his report card had been sent home to the Dursley's. He had far outstripped Dudley, and when teachers compared him to his cousin as far as grades? Harry shivered. He had never really gotten past everything they had 'taught' him, despite knowing they were jealous, fearful, and mean spirited people. They had 'taught' him over the years to not get good grades, to be silent as long as possible, never to talk really. It was all keep your head down, nose clean, and don't cause a fuss. But his observations had taught him something. He knew at least how to be sly, sneaky, and deceitful. While these characteristics weren't always fondly looked at, they were always helpful, and it meant that with enough careful phrasing and hiding, he could get away with just about anything.

He didn't really care if these aspects of him weren't really that admirable, or well accepted. Well, they weren't accepted until needed, he thought bitterly. No one wanted to know who had these talents, but when something happened, they immediately sought out others with those talents, used them, and then pretended they didn't know that the person could twist and lie so easily. That disgruntled him. He knew he was truly a Slythrerin but that really didn't bother him much, he knew from the moment he had asked the hat to place him in Gryffindor, and while he wished he could say he was just being sneaky and getting a sneak peak into the Gryffindor's, and playing Dumbledore's puppet, he knew at the time of the decision he had been taken in by their game. He consoled himself with the fact that it only took him half a year to realize what was going on.

Dumbledore wanted him to do everything he was ordered too, Ron befriended because Dumbledore had said to, and because of his fame, but Hermione was a true friend, she just liked showing off her knowledge, flaunting it to people simply put because she could. Ginny had less of a clean reputation, though she claimed to like Harry only, she spent most of her time sleeping through the male population, and Draco was a true ice prince, following every rule but breaking them at the same time.

He stood further back from his desk and watched as an extra rat spleen was covertly levitated over his potion. He pretended not to see, even adding an unneeded back stir as he leaned around to talk to Ron and heard the almost inaudible plunk of the ingredient.

"Potter!" he heard Snape yell. He flinched at the yell, but gratefully noticed that no one had seen it. "What on earth do you call this?" Snape said dangerously. "It's *a dick enhancer*" he said the last part mumbled. "What?" Snape yelled louder. "I said 'it's a sight enhancer, sir.'" Harry said, now speaking through his teeth. He knew further infuriation Professor Snape wouldn't get him any easier of a time. It was hard enough having the life he did. He wished Snape would just back off of him for a bit.

Snape looked suspicious but moved on. "This is a waste of potions ingredients." He stated in a bored tone, vanishing the ruined potion, "And you are a waste of space, get out!" Harry packed his things with a spell and ran for it. He knew he was getting away basically scott-free, especially since he had said the word 'dick' to Snape's face, but the last comment hurt his ego a bit. He decided that now, however; was not the time to go back and tell Snape just what he thought about his opinion.

He thought of stopping but decided against it. He ran from the dungeons, to the great hall, and up the main stairs, he was through the labyrinth of moving stairs before he recognized the path he was taking lead all the way to the Astronomy Tower. His heart pounded as he entered the deserted room, having run up nearly 50 flights of stairs. He slammed the door shut and dropped his bag.

He caught his breath, holding his side which ached painfully. He looked out of the wide window, over the field, and Hagrid's hut to the lake. It sparkled beautifully in the late day light. He sighed and sat on the edge of the window sill. His head pounded, and he felt tired. A idea sprung to him and he pulled his potions things out of his bag. "Dreamless sleep potion.." he read out loud. He may as well do something useful...

Later about a month or so later (after dinner)

Harry sat researching things for his essay for History of Magic, while Ron groaned on and on about having to do work. In all honesty Harry loved reading about all of magic's history, well magic everything. Sometimes around Ron and other's he felt they didn't remember he was raised by juggles. It didn't help that Hermione read faster than he did, and had more time to do so, but he was still close to the number of books she had read.

"I'm going to bed." He said out loud, over the shouting in the common room. While no one was fighting, everyone seemed to find need to talk louder than others around them, that leading to yelling. He quickly packed his stuff away.

"Harry, it's really early, are you feeling okay?" Hermione asked looking up from her essay concerned.

"Just tired." he said faking a yawn and stumbling upstairs.

He truly was a good actor. He sat on the end of his bed looking sad, the door to the boys rooms swinging shut, deadening the shouts from below to the quiet whisper of air against the windows. He couldn't take a sleep potion tonight, not unless he wanted to be in a coma. He wondered if that was really a bad thing. He tried to shake off the thought. He was having more and more of those thoughts lately. He had started listening to them, thinking of ways he might 'accidentally' die. His top favorite was an unscheduled quidditch practice, where he fell off his broom, plummeting to his death. He shook of the thoughts, putting them down to him just being tired, having too long of a day, not enough sleep and so on. He laid back and closed his eyes.

He stood in a long hallway. He saw Dumbledore standing, a welcoming smile on his face, but behind him were dead bodies of all the casualties he had a hand in. Behind him lay his parents, his own family, Sirius, and hundreds of nameless others. Harry was cold, his breathing hitched. Dumbledore just grinned and jovially greeted him, "Come on now Harry, I know what's best. Trust me."

Voldemort appeared at the other end of the hall and he gave an evil laugh, making Harry spin on his heel, eyes tearing away from Dumbledore's smiling face and bloody outstretched hands. "And you thought I was the only evil." Voldemort laughed again and Harry was pitched forward into the black. He felt the pain of both sides. Both sides tortured, lied, stole and killed in the name of their cause. On the list of casualties, one may be higher, but neither was any less vicious.

He woke with a start covered in sweat, and panting. He buried his head in his hands and got up quickly after that.

XXXXXX

It was a full month later. Harry had huge bags beneath his eyes, and he barely slept. The dreamless sleep potion was less effective now and he was irritated easily, and he felt sick 24/7. All he could see were that dead bodies of people, and he heard their screams even in his walking hours. He didn't know if they were imaginary, but they did seem so real. Lord Voldemort was getting stronger, and with each passing day, Harry was becoming weaker. He felt like that phrasing should at the moment be said as every passing hour.

Slowly one night after a particularly bad vision of Dumbledore killing a family he sat up. He knew of the manipulation but not this, Dumbledore had killed the father for death eater ties, but when the little boy had run around the corner Harry had felt like dying as the boy then slumped, slack jawed against the wall, and the mother screamed for mercy. '_Sorry,' _Dumbledore had said, _'for the good of society, you all must die.'_ And she had fallen to lay with her husband and son lifelessly.

"How am I supposed to fight this?" Harry asked hopelessly to the cold darkness of the room. Snoring. He looked to his left and right, at the slumped, tangled forms of bodies, all slowly moving as they inhaled and exhaled. The room was stern haphazardly with clothes and school things, of posters and blankets, games and toys. And in all his years, he had never felt like he didn't belong until this moment.

Slowly he sat up and stumbled to his feet and walked to the door. He didn't look back, for he had nothing to lose. He trudged up to the astronomy tower and stumbled like he was half drunk, his feet shuffling to the edge of the wall. He sat on the rusted black iron bar, his feet dangling high above the grassy field that was Hogwarts lawn.

Their was no one to stop him.

* * *

Everyone, please R&R!

I'm working on finalizing the next.

Also thanks to Psycho Seme, who was the original editor, and beta to the story. Thank you.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey everyone! If any of you remember CryingUke~ the original title of this account, I had several popular (damn the loss of those reviews...) stories, including one of the more recent ones called Hopeless. **

**Well, tada! Someone did have chapters saved, and so the story can begin again!**

**But also,**

_**This story is in dedication to **_

_**Ninjapirate101**_

_**Without you this story would no longer be existing. A world of thanks.**_

* * *

Severus Snape was not a man known for his forgiving qualities. He was a hard man, driven by his hard life, and kept his heart surrounded by ice, his life guarded by onyx stones. In reality he was hiding in his black robes, coveted the dungeon and held a grudge worth of Voldemort.

He had never actually forgiven James Potter until the day he died, when he had to face Voldemort, one of the most feared men of their time. He knew his grudge might seem stupid, he was saved by the guy who's friend almost killed him, and took away his first friend but he didn't care. He knew he would never forgive Sirius for picking on him constantly, and for sending him to get killed. Never. But he had grudgingly started to accept James Potter, but he knew that his life hadn't been spared because James cared for him. He cared for Sirius, who would surely have been expelled for his stunt, and for Lily, who despite their friendship eventually crumbling, she still cared for him.

In all honesty he didn't hate teaching, but he wished the spineless, mindless worms would actually give a shit about potions and try, minus the Slytherins, and Granger who felt the need to flaunt her abilities 24/7.

He watched Potter's class carefully, waiting for someone to mess up. He saw the boy, and he seemed to just to not care, that or he was just stupid and didn't pay attention, either way, the fact that he could be applying himself and wasn't pissed him of to no end. Why did he even bother coming to class if he was just going to sit in the back and waste ingredients. He saw the extra 'help' from the Slytherins float over to his potion and he saw the boy take a step back from his potion so he could talk to his friend adding a counter-clockwise stir accidentally. The rat spleen fell in his potion and it turned an ugly puke color.

He strode over, his sense of power flooding through him. He would like to say he didn't get kicks from yelling at kids, but hell, if they were going to waste time and supplies, then he would be damn sure to make an example of other students to deter even more from slacking. "Potter! "he yelled to try and frighten the boy. Potter flinched slightly, but he didn't feel any better for it. Usually students jumped. He found it funny when they jumped, it reminded then that they were in fact in _his _potions room, supposedly paying attention, but he pushed it out of his mind. "What on earth do you call this?" he asked dangerously a note of derision in his voice, and he heard Draco chuckle with his friends. Honestly, while he did take extra special care of his snake, especially because the entire school persecuted them, wether they did anything or not, Draco would need to learn how to keep his own head down. He could always depend on himself or his father to come rescue his over-entitled butt.

"I call it *a dick enhancer*" Harry said mumbling under his breath, pulling him from his thoughts. His eyebrows rose and he very nearly flushed at the comment, he buried his feelings and lowered his voice, trying to get an excuse to send the boy to detention for a week.

"What?" His voice cooled off the room a few degrees, but bright green eyes met black looking as innocent as ever.

"I said 'its a sight enhancer, sir." Harry answered slowly.

He was decided to move on from the comment. It wouldn't do any good to yell with Harry today, especially when the word that would come up would most likely be 'dick'. "This is a waste of potions ingredients." He said vanishing the ruined potion, "and you are a waste of space, get out!" Harry packed his things with a spell and ran for it. Slamming the door behind him. Snape listened to the sound of his footsteps fade into the distance. "GET BACK TO WORK!" he yelled at the class. They all jumped. He smiled slightly, face shielded with the curtains of black hair.

XXXXX

It was around two months later on a Friday night the Snape woke up suddenly and couldn't get back to sleep. He showered and put on his customary black billowing robes and began patrolling the halls. Though he knew that likely everyone was asleep at this hour, e felt it relaxing to stride through the black and quiet halls, his mind wandering aimlessly. He reflected on the students, Draco was doing fine, though he was a bit controlling of the younger students, he wouldn't get them into trouble. Granger was still doing all her work, flaunting it as much as ever, and the seemed to be coming out of their shells a little, at lest they were trying harder in potions. However, the biggest change was Harry. Harry looked like he did after spending the summer under Voldemort's thumb.

The bags beneath his eyes grew more prominent each day and he didn't eat. He looked like a boy suffering a mans tortured death. Severus still didn't know how he felt about the boy. He thought of him as James and kept his distance and insulted/ brittled him whenever he could, but occasionally when he wasn't surrounded by people he would glimpse something different.

He then noticed he had walked all the way to Gryffindor tower. He shook his head and began to walk back to the dungeons when he heard a door open. A sleek form stepped out of Gryffindor tower and he recognized the green eyes and black hair of one Harry Potter.

He was ready to yell at the boy to get back where he belonged when he saw how much his eyes glittered. The boy looked around and seemed to decide going upstairs was a good idea. Snape followed curiously, and a slight feeling of trepidation. Slowly they ascended to the astronomy tower.

He followed silently as Harry's bare feet padded across cold stone floor. He was still in his pajamas, and his arms were wrapped around his torso. His feeling of unease grew as he saw the boy shuffle across the astronomy room and sit on the very edge of the wall. He was definitely weirded out. What was boy wonder doing up here at this time of night? Harry spoke in a dry, broken voice to no one.

"Oh Merlin, why is life so screwed up. All I wanted was a loving family, a home, people I could trust." His fist clenched against the railing.

He felt shocked. Did he not even trust Dumbledore? Maybe he wasn't a lost cause after all.

"Dumbledore is a heartless son of a bitch" Harry said violently, and tears began to fall down his pale face and he choked out, "And I can do nothing about it."

Harry's soft crying reached his ears and he felt like he was falling. There was a soft ringing in his ears as he remembered when he had stood where Harry was now,hating his life, knowing there was nothing to hope for. He had to get him down, even if Harry couldn't see it now, there were ways out, and not all lead to death. He edged closer to the boy, he would save him no matter what. His mind was made.

Harry sputtered, determinedly trying to speak through his tears saying "And fu-cking Voldemort? I'm sup-p-posed to kill him! and I have no CHANCE!"

Snape edged closer, while he was determined, a second to late, was a second that could cost Harry everything.

"I guess their is no point in leaving a note. No one really cared about me in the first place." Harry bitterly said, wiping tears off his face angrily. He slipped forward, one foot hovering over an empty void of the black night, the next he had stepped off the edge.

Severus ran to him his arms reaching out to embrace him. Begging in his mind to not be late.

The stars seemed to twinkle down at him, but the night was black.

Dread.

* * *

Everyone, please R&R!

I'm working on finalizing the next.

Also thanks to Psycho Seme, who was the original editor, and beta to the story. Thank you.


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